The Dollar Dance

Posted on June 26, 2008 by Her and tagged wedding

One of the most controversial wedding traditions is the Dollar Dance (also called the Money Dance). Expected in some cultures and regions, abhorred in others, the Dollar Dance is a dance where guests line up and give a dollar to the bride or groom in exchange for a dance. Though each couple only dances for a few moments, the dance can go on for a while until everyone has had a turn. One nice aspect of this is that the bride and groom have the opportunity to personally thank each guest for coming and chat for a moment with them. However, it can also be seen as a tacky way to extort more money from guests who have already spent quite a bit on transportation, lodging, and a wedding gift. We made the decision to have the Dollar Dance because it is expected in Him's culture. Unfortunately, my family will probably be offended. In turn, Him is offended that my family will be offended. Sheesh! To qualm everyone's emotions, we are going to put a note at each table explaining what the Dollar Dance is and that it is a cultural tradition for Him's family.

Have you ever had to negotiate a tricky financial landscape between families?

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Oh Nos! I Forgot to Report Income to the IRS!

Posted on June 16, 2008 by Her and tagged taxes

A few days ago I received a scary looking letter from the IRS. It said that I had not reported some income in 2006, and I owe back taxes plus interest totaling over $600. I am every bit the law-abiding citizen, and I'm a goody-two-shoes to boot, so I was completely horrified! My head spun as I pictured myself being hauled off to prison, possibly even put to work on a chain gang! My first reaction was to throw the letter under the couch and pretend I never saw it, but reason prevailed.

Him and I made our first ever visit to a tax professional this past weekend. I brought the letter plus all my 2006 tax paperwork (thank goodness I saved all that stuff). He quickly determined that yes, I had failed to report this income. It was a complete oversight. I think that what happened was that at the time I was preparing my taxes, I was not sure where to report the income, so I set it aside for later. Unfortunately I completely forgot about it and sent in the return without it. The good news is that our new tax guy feels that we can successfully argue that the IRS is classifying this forgotten income incorrectly, so we'll owe about $200 less than the letter stated. He suggested we write a letter explaining our case and attach a check for the amount we believe I owe.

I spent the past night writing that letter, and boy was that nerve-wracking. I feel like a criminal! Hopefully the IRS will accept my argument and the check and settle the matter quickly. Has anyone else ever forgotten to report any income?

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Now That's A Bad Idea

Posted on May 21, 2008 by Him and tagged wedding

Yes, we're spending a lot of money on our wedding and honeymoon.

But we're not borrowing any money to pay for your wedding and honeymoon. We'll even have a sizable amount of cash left over after everything is said and done.

For the love of <insert deity>, please do not borrow money for your wedding or honeymoon. That's right Prosper, I'm looking at you.

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Depression and Finances: Socioeconomic Status

Posted on May 16, 2008 by Him and tagged depression, finances

First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their support and warm comments regarding my newly diagnosed depression. I'm still learning much about it and how to effectively treat it, and welcome your stories and comments.

My psychiatrist gave me a document that outlines depression, from the etiology to risk factors to complications to treatments. It is an interesting and eye-opening read, and is also available on the web. In it, I found an interesting tidbits on depression and social/economic status:

The role of society and economics has specific implications for women. Being in a low socioeconomic group is a major risk factor for depression in anyone. Money, of course, allows greater access to good medical care, but this factor does not fully explain the higher rates of depression in impoverished people. People at any income level are likely to be depressed if they have poor health and are socially isolated. Some studies suggest that Western cultural attitudes that link income to social status may play a significant role in the connection between poverty and depression:
  • In one British study, actual poverty or unemployment increased the duration of any existing depression, but it did not appear to play any important causal role. Feelings of financial insecurity, however, both caused and prolonged depression.
  • Another study reported that Mexican adults who immigrated to America had half the psychiatric illnesses as did Mexican-Americans born in the U.S., regardless of their income. But the longer the immigrants lived in the U.S., the greater their risk for psychiatric problems. Traditional influences of Mexican culture and social ties appeared to protect newly arrived immigrants from mental illness, even when they were poor. Eventually, however, the consequences of Americanization added to poverty and led to feelings of alienation and inferiority.

It is indeed interesting how finances and social/economic status contributes to mood. When Her realized that she was on the path to financial hell, she suffered from anxiety and loss of sleep. Since we've managed to clean up our financial act, she sleeps much more soundly.

Her and I have seen how finances affects our moods both ways: Our finances have affected our mood, and our moods have affected our finances. Hopefully we will be able to get all of this in check.

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Depression is Expensive, Denial Much More So

Posted on May 14, 2008 by Him and tagged depression, finances, health

I'm depressed.

There, I said it. Not just depressed like in a bad mood or someone just kicked my puppy, but actually clinically depressed. This has actually been a recurrent theme in my life, and I suspect that it's also tied in with Seasonal Affective Disorder as well, because this NEVERENDING CHICAGO WINTER has sucked the life out of me and the other few million Chicagoans around here. The thing that was different about this time is that it has never been as bad as it has been the past few months.

Since this is a financial blog, I'll go about how dealing with depression can affect one's finances. Let me correct that: I'll go about how trying to thwart depression by doing everything except getting treatment can affect one's finances.

One of the crappiest symptoms of depression is losing pleasure or interest at things that used to offer them normally. When I first started feeling pretty crummy, I thought to myself, "Maybe if I go out with friends/eat at a nice restaurant/buy myself something I've put off for a while now that I'll feel better." I actually chose all 3 of those routes: I went out with friends more, went out for more meals, and bought myself a used Nikon D200 and a nice new lens with my tax refund. I don't even want to think about the amount of money I threw at the problem.

A few months ago, Her and I agreed that my depression started to affect our relationship; there's no money in the world that would be able to magically fix that. So I decided to go and see a therapist that I saw a few years back.

Seeing the therapist isn't cheap; when I saw her in prior years my out of pocket costs were about $75 a session, with the rest taken care of by my insurance company. Now that I have an HDHP/HSA I have to to take care of most of the fee out of my HSA account. Since there really wasn't anything going on in my life that could have been causing my depressive state, I was referred to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist proceeded to prescribe an anti-depressant for me. Due to the way that payment is handled with the HDHP/HSA account, the costs of both seeing the psychiatrist and the meds will be revealed to me at a later time. I've just started on the meds, so only time will tell if this particular one is worth the money.

Depression sucks. Other than the obvious joy-deflating and relationship straining properties, depression can have major financial ramifications as well. Therefore, if you're feeling depressed or just not right, there's no shame in going to a psychiatrist/therapist/someone who loves you to talk about it. My method of "self-medicating" by blowing all sorts of money got me nowhere (well, I do have a sweet camera). The depression also messed with my concentration and sleep, making it difficult to focus on my job, this blog, our finances, and my life in general. If went unchecked, a lot of stuff could possibly have been messed up.

Right now I'm grateful for a few things: insurance for making all of this vastly possible without completely breaking the bank; the availability and acesss to great healthcare providers; and most importantly, Her, for sticking with me, offering her support, and remembering that we're a team.

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